Carmen in Control
by Phaidra
Summary: Carmen gets annoyed when Alexis sings...really badly. She decides to send Alexis into Pirates of the Caribbean. Mwahahaha! Alexis really really really wants to go home. Will she?
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I wish. I really wish. If I owned anything, I probably wouldn't be writing fanfic, I'd be playing with the real characters. So no, I don't own anything. I don't own Abbey Feline Bed and Breakfast either. Or Carmen. I do own Alexis though. I don't own Liz Phair. Almost forgot that.

Author's note: Okay, I hope it (being the story) is not confusing for you. Also, it probably doesn't need a PG13 rating, but that's just to be sure.

_Generally, this means that Carmen is talking to Alexis in her head._  There may be some exceptions, but that is what it generally means. If it sounds like someone is talking, but there are no quotation marks, that is Alexis talking to Carmen.  With quotation marks and italics is Carmen.  Enjoy! ~Phaidra

P.S. I'm not used to writing in present tense, usually I write in past, so if it's a bit messed up, I really am sorry. Oh, and I really do like Liz Phair, but I used her because my friend got annoyed when I listened to it over and over again. I'll do a nice little decorative border when it switches POVs, but generally I won't say that I'm switching. Hope that's not to confusing.

~**~*~**~

Picture two girls, both at the computer.  They are best friends, and have just gotten off the phone with each other.

One girl is listening to Liz Phair, and has been for the last two or three hours.  She has blonde hair with natural streaks, and highlights courtesy of the local salon.  She is online reading fanfiction at fanfiction.net.

The other girl is seething.  She has been subjected to WAY to much Liz Phair, and really, really terrible singing by the first girl, whom we shall call Alexis.

She has mousey-brown, dirty blonde hair, which is poufy and frizzy, and who is, like I said, seething.  We shall call her Carmen.  Why?  Because.  Simply, because.

A couple of days have passed, and Carmen and Alexis are getting ready to go back to school (sigh.)

Alexis and Carmen have been seeing each other every day at Abbey Feline Bed and Breakfast.  With Alexis, the whole Liz-Phair-over-and-over-again-plus-bad-singing incident is forgotten.

Not so with Carmen.  She has figured out what she is going to do, and Alexis is SURE to hat it.  Beware Alexis.  Beware.

So.  After working at Abbey both girls get home and go on the computer.  Alexis goes online to read fanfiction; Carmen goes on Word.

Alexis puts Liz Phair in her CD-Rom and starts humming/singing along; Carmen laughs a loud, maniacal laugh and starts typing.

"Die Liz Phair, DIE!!!"

Though she cannot hear the words, or even know what Carmen is typing, Alexis shudders, and a feeling of doom comes over her.

Meanwhile, Carmen is brainstorming.  "Lets see.  She can look like Michelle.  Short brown, layered hair with blond-orange streaks; ever-changing eyes.  A Mary Sue.  Yes.  That will do.  Now…"

That night, both Alexis and Carmen go to sleep the moment their heads hit their pillows.  Carmen sleeps heavily, in the deep, sweet sleep you get when your revenge is coming through.

Alexis sleeps uneasily, tossing and turning, clutching protectively the stuffed, soft sheep she is sleeping with to her chest.

She does not know exactly what is wrong, but she feels that something is.  How right she is, but right at her own expense.  Who would have thought that Liz Phair and bad singing would bring this horror upon her?

"Good morning Alexis," Carmen whispers.  "And what a wonderful morning it is."

~**~*~**~

I wake up with a start.  I had had the weirdest dream, where Carmen was a maniac who sent me to PotC, and that was where the dream stops.

I try to go back to sleep.  My alarm clock hasn't gone off yet, and my mom hasn't come in to wake me up, so why not get some extra sleep?

The door opens, and a maid comes in.  Hold on, my door slides, and we don't have a maid.  What's going on?

"Mornin' Miss Swann.  Still in bed at this hour?"

Miss Swann?  I try to say, "What's going on?  My last name isn't Swann."  What I actually say is this:

"Good morning Becky."

Oh God.  What's happening?  I sound like a snob.  And she isn't my mom.  I don't know anyone named Becky except my mom.  And why can't I talk normally?  Or at least say what I want to say.  I have the right to free speech.

_"Not anymore."_

Carmen?

_"The one and only."_

Hold on.  Am I talking to Carmen in my head?  Am I going crazy?

Becky freezes in the middle of talking.  She just stops.  So does everyone and everything else.

_"Yes Alexis, I am in your head.  I had to put the story on hold for a moment so I could talk to you, but it'll start up again in a moment."_

What's going on?  Am I going crazy?  What's happening?  What story?

_"Well, let me see.  Where to begin?"_

How would I know?  You better tell me what's going on Carmen, or I will be so mad, and go so crazy Henry does not compare.

~**~*~**~

Carmen smiles.  All is going perfectly.  Alexis is trapped in a Mary Sue story, and she, Carmen, is in control.

Carmen?  Carmen?!  CARMEN!

_"Yes Alexis?" Carmen asks._

What did you do to me?

_"Nothing much."_

And what exactly _is_ nothing much? Alexis asks dubiously.

_"Oh, I just put you in a self-insert Mary Sue story with you as __Elizabeth__'s twin sister," Carmen answers innocently._

You WHAT?!

_"I put you in a self-insert Mary Sue story with you as _Elizabeth___'s twin sister.  Oh, and also—"_

Also what?

_"Oh, just that I can control what you say and do, and Captain Jack Sparrow will be in the story."_

WHAT!  What did I ever do to YOU!?

_"You subjected me to hours of Liz Phair and your bad—no, it goes beyond bad—singing."_

Well still, a Mary Sue story?  That is punishment way out of proportion to my crime.

"_Not to me.  Have fun Alexis."_


	2. Chapter Two

Disclaimer:  Please.  Do I look like I have that kind of money?  Oh, wait, you can't see me.  In that case!  Yes, I own everything, and I'm an evil dictator who is going to take over the world.  In other words, no, I don't own anything.

Authors Note:  I'm sorry this has taken a while for me to post it, but I've been very busy lately, what with evil school and such, so don't expect updates to be very regular.  I shall do my best, but don't get your hopes up.  And thanks to all my reviewers!  Now, on to the story.

Also, the Carmen equivalent in real life wants me to say that she is not really like this.  I just added some traits to her character for this story, but (like I said) she isn't really like this.  Although now that I've written this story and I'm singing she says "Don't make me go all Carmen on you."

~**~*~**~

Bloody girl.  What did I ever do to her?  My singing isn't that bad (I think.)  The story starts up again and in comes Governor Swann.

"I have a present for you Katherine."

Oh God, Katherine?  At least it's better than Anne.  It's better than it could be.

The story seems to rewind, and in comes Governor Swann (again.)

"I have a present for you Anne."

Can you hear everything I think?

_"Yes," I hear in my head._

When can you _not hear everything that I think?_

_"When I'm not working on the story.  But when I'm not writing, you can't do anything, so that doesn't really count, does it?"_

Guess not, I think, thinking hard.  I'm not sure if that sentence makes sense, but it's what I'm doing.  Must you bring my mom into the story?

_"Huh?"_

You know, Becky.  Anne.  My mom's name is Rebecca Anne Green.  I suppose next you'll have someone with the last name of Green?

_"Well, we want to keep you poor little homesickness to a minimum, or else you won't be able to fully enjoy what's planned for you.  You can go back to Katherine."_

Gee.  Thanks.  I don't know what to say.

_"You're welcome.  Ta."_

~**~*~**~

Carmen smiles.  She has just decided on the main plot for the story.

First, Alexis (now Katherine) is going to have the last medallion.  Then, she is going to meet Jack, and they'll fall in love, and she will save them from Barbossa, though whether Barbossa is going to have returned or hasn't died yet Carmen is not to sure about.

Perfect.  A Mary Sue.  In other words, torture.  In other _other_ words, something even more sweet: revenge.

~**~*~**~

Well.  Carmen has some very interesting ideas, that's for sure.  But why would she do this to me?  It was only Liz Phair, after all.  What's so bad about that?

I mean, I did listen to her CD like 4 times in a row, and my singing's not great, but still…a Mary Sue?

With Jack as the love interest?  Pardon me, but that's not right.  Don't get me wrong, he's cool and all, and he's one of my favorite characters, but he's more than half my age, and I don't like him like that.  _Do I?_

Oh no, that's Carmen talking.  She's trying to make me like him, or think I do.  Really, I don't.  Honest.

_No, I like him.  It's not just the Carmen talking._

I DO NOT, and IT IS TOO!

_Yes I do.  Who am I kidding?_

I think he's a cool character, that's all.

_I like him._

"Katherine?" I hear.  "Are you all right?"

No! I want to say, but I don't.  Now would be a good time to see how much free will I have.  Knowing Carmen, not a lot.  I close my mouth, thinking "she can make me say things she wants me to, but maybe she can't make me talk."

~**~*~**~

Carmen frowns.  This is not part of the plan.  It's true, she can make Alexis say things, but not if her mouth isn't open to talk in the first place.

But maybe there's something she can do.  Yes, maybe there is…  Carmen's frown slowly lifts, until it becomes a smile.

~**~*~**~

I wait.  Apparently she can't make me talk without me actually starting to talk by myself.  That's interesting.  That's very interesting.

Governor Swann starts talking again.  "Does a father need an occasion to dote upon his daughter?"

Um.  Okay.  I think I know where Carmen's idea is going.  I still keep my mouth shut, ignoring the voice that tells me to talk.

"Actually, I was hoping you would wear it to the ceremony today."

Ceremony?  What ceremony?  Oh, I remember.  Commodore Norrington's promotion.  Where's Elizabeth?  She hasn't shown up yet, and I've been taking all her lines so far.  I don't necessarily miss her, mind you, but that leaves only three options.

Either Carmen decided to be nice (which I don't think she did,) she's playing with my mind, or…

…I am Elizabeth.  I look down.  I don't think that's what happened though, but I'm not sure.  Carmen _said_ I was Elizabeth's twin sister, but she could be lying.

It's not easy being in a story when you're controlled by your best friend.  You try sometime; maybe you'll agree with me.

Personally, I never ant to try it again.  Or, well, I never want to try it again once I'm out of this story.  If I _do_ get out of the story.

But that's a little off the subject.  Sorry, I got side-tracked.  Next thing you know, I'll be talking to my self in my head.  Oh wait, I already do.

So.  Where was I?  Oh yes.  I look down.  Carmen blurs my vision, you know how in the Sims when they go into the bath/shower and get undressed they get all blurry?

Well, that's how it looks to me.  So I still don't know whether I am Elizabeth or Carmen just wants to torture me.  I guess I'll find out soon enough, but I sure hope she just wants to torture me.

That, I could live with.  For me to actually BE Elizabeth…well, let's just say I would through a minor hissy fit.

I realize something, something I should have realized when I started worrying about whether I am Elizabeth or not.

I can't be her, because Governor Swann says "Good morning _Katherine_."  Therefore, I am not Elizabeth.

I hear something that sounds suspiciously like a sigh, and the blurred vision goes away.

I really am surprised that I didn't think of it earlier—me not being able to be Elizabeth, I mean.  I have a feeling it's partly Carmen's fault, and partly because I'm not thinking properly.

Of course, one could argue that I never think properly.  Sometimes I don't, but especially not in the position I'm in.  Who would?  Would you be able to think rationally if you were trapped in a story by your best friend?  I think not.


End file.
